By Bumble
From 5 AM walks, self-help podcasts and books on better living, yoga classes and journaling to constant hustling at work, comparisons on social media only intensify the pressure of self-improvement, especially for women. Bumble’s latest study reveals that around 67% of Indian women feel constant pressure to self-improve in order to date. There has been a rise in people ‘self-optimising’ and striving to become a perfect version of themselves. The Bumble study found that the majority (84%) of Indian women surveyed are constantly looking for ways to better themselves, with 60% feeling unworthy of a partner if they haven’t invested in themselves.
When it comes to dating in 2024, singles are rebelling against constant self-improvement. A majority of the women surveyed (86%) in particular (85% of Gen Z and 87% of Millennial women) are choosing to take active steps to be more happy with who they are here and now, putting the fun back into dating, in a trend Bumble is calling ‘betterment burnout’.
What Pressures Lead to ‘Betterment Burnout’?
44% of Indian women feel the pressure of social expectations to self-improve in order to date. This is followed by personal insecurities (40%), parental expectations (36%), fear of rejection (31%), and external comparisons (28%).
Samarpita Samaddar, India Communications Director at Bumble, shares: “While self-improvement is laudable and can do wonders, the motivation and reasons behind it are important.” We need to pause and ask, Who am I doing this for? If it’s purely for external validation and not for your own benefit, then it can lead to unhealthy expectations driven by societal and familial pressures or social media. The betterment burnout trend refers to how people, women in particular, are re-evaluating their priorities, owning their agency and choices, and rebelling against constant self-optimisation.
When it comes to dating, she adds, “When authenticity takes a backseat in dating, the constant urge to be ‘perfect’ could result in hasty judgements or decisions and lead to exhaustion. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to constant self-improvement, and you do not have to be perfect to find love. If we cannot be in love with ourselves first, however we are, should we want to be with someone who can’t love us for exactly what we are?”
The Year of Self-Acceptance Over Self-Improvement
Reflecting a positive shift in mindsets, Bumble’s study highlights that Indian women are leading with their needs, prioritising self-acceptance and joy over the constant need for perfection. In fact, 67% of Indian women surveyed say they will now only date people who will not try to change them.
Bumble’s ‘betterment burnout’ trend also shows from the singles surveyed: 53% are choosing the slow life over hustle culture, 47% value inner fulfilment over external validation, and 42% are embracing authenticity over perfection.
Ruchi Ruuh, Bumble’s Relationship Expert, shares her top tips on bringing back joy and fun in dating:
1. Focus on your “why?”
Instead of dwelling on the question, “Am I desirable enough?” and focusing on pleasing others, turn that phrase around and instead ask yourself what it is YOU desire. Though you may be dating to find your life partner, there are often additional motivators you may not have considered. Are you dating for new romantic experiences? To meet people who inspire you? Exploring these alternative goals can allow you to shift how you experience the path towards ultimately finding the connections that you’re looking for.
2. Be Authentic and Set Realistic Expectations
Start small by breaking down your aspirations into small, achievable steps. Baby steps are great to follow! Approach dating as a journey of connection, not perfection. There is no specific age limit or timeframe to find love!
3. Refresh your Bumble Profile with New Photos and Interests
Small yet meaningful changes to your dating profile, like adding interest badges or uploading recent photos, can improve your chances of making the connections you seek.
4. Mundane Dating can be Meaningful
Mundane dating can be more meaningful, especially considering busy schedules. Go on everyday dates in low-pressure settings such as morning or evening walks, grocery shopping together, or travelling to work together to get to know someone better in those in-between moments if you’re looking to build genuine and meaningful connections.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
To let go of this constant pursuit for perfection when dating, you can start by acknowledging and accepting your imperfections. Be kinder and more compassionate with yourself, and embrace authenticity when dating to allow yourself and others to be genuine. Recognise that relationships require effort and acceptance of each other’s imperfections.
6. Date at your own Pace
The bottom line is that finding someone you connect with isn’t always easy, building a lasting relationship can be difficult, and sustaining that bond takes work. Remember that anything worth having takes effort and time, so give yourself space and lots of grace as you navigate these waters. Ultimately, don’t forget to have fun!
